i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
