You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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