What did we do last night that was yellow?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
