Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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