I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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