i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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