There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
