she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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