meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
