I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
