i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
