dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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