I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
