Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want nice things and good sex
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
