my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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