I must be too annoying 4 u.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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