People in love make me want to vomit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i came on her dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
