So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
