The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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