i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
