$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
