That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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