Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
