Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
