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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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