I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
