I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
