glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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