Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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