get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
