just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
