also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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