I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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