I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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