Someone shit on the floor
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
