you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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