The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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