Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
