Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
