i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
