If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
