I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she told me i tasted like america
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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