One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
