I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
