Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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