Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
