I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
