my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
