I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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