is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
